I’m not exactly sure who I am. Like many other young adults, I’ve spent the early years of my life running headfirst down paths that might lead to self-discovery, a useful new tool, or an opportunity that I might not have seen the first go around. The paths are constantly fraught with forks and bends and false summits, though the things I come across are not always what I expect.

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            I see these forks more than others features. At end of either path, I can hear distant voices calling my name, beckoning me forward, each promising that they are in fact the right path to take. The left path may offer a new outlook on life or some important lesson, while the right says that it is the easiest to take, and that it’ll lead me to happy life if I care to tread it.

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            Most people can attest that they, too, have had to make these important decisions. Some will develop a map before they take a path, weighing the risks and rewards laid out before them. Some more carefree individuals will simply keep walking nonstop, unafraid of what could happen. I am, at once, both people. I am headstrong or indecisive given any one situation, with no particular method to guide me.

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            Much of our identity can be attributed to the identities of our parents. My father began working at the age of 11, driving trucks on a northern Montana oilfield with my grandfather. He has worked trade jobs ever since, and has embraced the grittier aspects of life as his solace. My mother, on the other hand, is his polar opposite. She has always gravitated towards the aesthetic qualities of life. She developed herself through higher learning and social aptitude, and found happiness by making sure others around her were content. My parents have been divorced since I was a child, but this has allowed me to clearly see the inherent qualities of either parent, independent of one another. When I look at myself, I see both my father and my mother. I have striven to emulate their best qualities, though they are often incompatible when faced with major life decisions.

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            Deciding what career to choose is undoubtedly a major life decision. My mother tells me to go to college; it will open opportunities for higher fulfillment. My father suggests that a trade may actually be the way to go; it will be steady when life shifts unexpectedly. I’ve done both. I began working from time to time on my family’s ranch when I was 13, and later found a job at a local restaurant to provide some extra cash through my high school years. I initially decided that my calling lie somewhere in the fields of higher education, but branched out and explored other options as well.

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            In 2017, after roughly a year of full-time college, I wanted to try something new. I was offered an electrical apprenticeship during the same year, and decided to take it. I learned some amazing lessons about hard work, patience, and practicality over the course of my apprenticeship, but I did not feel fulfilled. Though I was constantly seeing progress through the craft of my hands, I was not able to see progress on a larger scale. Working a full time labor job has its perks, but the tedium of building something up and starting again made me want something greater. I began taking classes after work, but was not able to handle the requirements endowed to each respective commitment. I failed two classes, and decided that I would have to concentrate all my efforts on one field or the other.

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            I’ve recently decided to dedicate myself to a full time education, and to finally achieve a four year degree. I am completely confident about this choice, and have left my indecision and doubts on the path behind me. After years of trying to find out who I truly am, I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter. What matters is the ability to make a choice and not look back. The ability to not dwell on what you’ve done, but instead focus on the path ahead. I will be cautious going forward, which is reasonable for any person, but I will not let the person I was yesterday define who I become. I’m not exactly sure who I am, and might not ever learn, but I do know that there will always be a path ahead of me.